Ever see those Motivational Posters that seem to be part of every generic office-job's decor (along with artificial ficus trees and putty-colored cubical desks)? You know, they have pictures of snow-capped mountains or hot-air balloons with captions like 'Endurance' and 'Inspiration' with corny definitions? Well, I've come up with a few of my own....
Baby Gap: Because My Infant Daughter Needs A Thirty-Dollar Pair Of Low-Rise, Boot-Cut Jeans
Potty Training: The Reason Tile Floors Were Invented
Dog Food: Apparently Sometimes It's Better Than What Mommy Put On Your Plate
Ni-Hao Kai-Lan: Five Episodes In A Row Is Never Enough
Boogers: Hey, At Least They're Eating Something
Baby Sisters: Nature's Speedbumps
Matchbox Cars: The Eleventh Plague
Coffee: Salvation For The Bratty Child At 6 A.M.
Goldfish Crackers: Still Good After 8 Months Between Two Couch Cushions
Pacifiers: A Silicon Plug In The Dam Of Mommy's Sanity
Teething: Finally, Nursing Is Exciting!
Toenail Polish: Someday It Will Look Nice. But Not Today. Or Tomorrow.
Carpeting: Rollie's Wall-To-Wall Napkin
Wading Pools: The Greatest Invention Of All Time
Backwash: Even If It Is Your Own Son, It's Still Gross
Grapes: So They Do Turn Into Raisins After Baking For Two Weeks Inside A Carseat Buckle
Bubblegum: Eventually It Comes Out The Other End