Monday, March 26, 2012

Oooooh Fuuuuudge

Well, he finally did it. I suppose it was inevitable, like puberty, or his first crush...or his first stint in juvy. But it's happened. Life as I know it will never be the same.

Rollie said his first swear word.

He even used it correctly. And in context. And like, with feeling. Like he really meant it. Somehow that makes it worse. I should have seen it coming. He likes to watch this show with us called Duel Survival, or Rollie calls it, Cody and Dave. Cody and Dave are survival experts, the former a shoeless hippie with long braids and a nose ring, the latter an ex-marine sniper with a crew cut and army boots. Oftentimes in the show the two of them exchange some colorful language, much of which is bleeped out:

Cody: Here, Dave, I found you some nuts to eat.
Dave: Those look like an elephant just took a bleep.
Cody: Well, that's because they came from elephant bleep.
Dave: You're serious? You were about to bleeping make me eat elephant bleep.
Cody: It's either eat elephant bleep, or bleeping stave. So you tell me. 
Dave: I'd rather bleeping starve.
Cody: Okay, bleep it. I'll eat the bleeping bleep-nuts. Bleeping Bleep.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Cigarettes And Beer...And Kevin Bacon

Looks like I picked the wrong week to wear Spandex. As if there's ever a right week.

I was going to a workout class, see. One of those that incorporates your baby in the workout, as if your baby will tolerate being lifted and bench-pressed like a drooling, five-pound bag of flour instead of a squirming, wriggling, 17-pound, just learned to crawl and now wants to maintain the same freedom to roam as an endangered species on an animal preserve. Baby.

And so in my enthusiasm to train my butt to defy gravity--or at least mildly disagree with it--I donned a pair of "workout pants" (as in, a camel called...he wants his toe back), a t-shirt, some new sneakers that had yet to meet any pavement, and ushered the kids into the car. I was planning for a quick, painless drop off at school, followed by a nice hour of lifting Finn over my head and trying to avoid getting any of his bodily fluids in my mouth.