We Only Come Out At Night

So I went out with some girlfriends the other night....

It was a much-needed two-hour vacation. Not like I have that hard of a life, but sometimes Mommy needs to get out of the house without it taking fifteen minutes to coax Rollie into the car, enticing him with grapes and books and promises to play his favorite song, strapping him and Elsa into their respective seats, only to have to run back into the house several more times to collect my keys, purse, drink, shoes and cell phone (which I also sometimes have to call with the house phone because I have completely spaced and left it somewhere random, like the dog food bowl).

So anyhoo, a girls night out was definitely in order.

One thing I will say is, mothers, when voluntarily separated from their children, are an uproarious bunch. Especially if there's wine involved.

It's an odd transformation. During the day, mothers are selfless, methodical, practical. Sometimes even subdued to the point of being...dull. At least I know I am. Sometimes I become very aware of how boring I must sound when I realize I've been talking to someone for ten minutes about like, putting Rollie to bed as if I'm recounting an incredibly entertaining anecdote about the time I met Brad Pitt at a grocery store (hasn't happened yet, but it's only a matter of time).

Then I'll stop mid-sentence and think, Oh My God, this person must be ready to kill herself if she has to listen to me another second. I mean, who the hell wants to hear about Rollie's pooping habits or his refusal to eat Fruit Loops? I hardly want to know about it, and I'm his mother.

But get us away from our children and we are a gaggle of giggling, silly girls, spilling juicy secrets, telling hilarious tales of the crazy stuff we all did pre-kids, giving each other advice on everything from sex to shopping. I learn more about my friends in two kid-free hours than I do during the months of playdates and park days. We're vampires, only out when the sun is down and the kids are in bed, eager to drink in as much fun and freedom as we can before we get into our minivans and SUVs and drive home.

You wouldn't know it if you were to see us during the day. You wouldn't look at one of us and think that we have a VIP card to a sex shop hidden in our wallet beneath our health insurance card. Or that we used to sneak into bars or rock concerts or that we have a very worn copy of The Kama Sutra in our bedside table. Like a superhero's powers, we keep these things secret, hidden away beneath our diaper bags and coupon holders. We can't expose these things to the light of day. And we certainly can't talk about them in front of our children.

But it makes those playdates a little more fun to know that there is so much more to my fellow moms than meets the eye. It's fun to guess what the others are really like when they aren't preoccupied with the well-being of another person. And it's even more fun to find out. Especially after a few drinks.