Mother By Numbers

Time Rollie woke up yesterday morning: 5:23

Number of blueberries I put on his breakfast plate: 18

Number of blueberries he actually ate: 3

Number of his blueberries I ate: 15

Number of balls I pitched to him during The Today Show: 21

Number of times I told him to get off of Baby Elsa or he'll squish her: 12

Number of times I asked him if he had to use the potty: 10

Number of times I asked him if he was sure he didn't have to use the potty: 10

Number of times he actually sat on the potty: 3

Number of time he actually went in the potty: 0

Number of times he peed directly onto the floor: 1

Number of towels I used to clean up the mess: 2

Number of pacifiers scattered around the house for Baby Elsa: 4

Number of pacifiers I was able to locate: 0

Number of minutes Elsa spent half-heartedly crying because I couldn't find her pacifier: 7

Number of times I contemplated getting my tubes tied: 6

Number of episodes of Ni-Hao Kai-Lan Rollie watched: 2

Number of times Rollie climbed in Elsa's crib: 3

Number of time Rollie climbed into Elsa's crib with Elsa in it: 2

Number of times I threatened to spank Rollie's bottom: 16

Number of times I actually spanked Rollie's bottom: 2

Number of times I should have spanked Rollie's bottom: at least 20

Number of times I thought to myself, "Calgon, take me away!": 9

Number of years since I've actually seen that commercial: like, 18, and I finally get it.

Number of minutes late my husband was coming home from work: 90

Number of seconds he was in the door before I threw the kids at him and hid: 2

Number of times Rollie got out of bed after being tucked in: 4

Number of times I sang Little Rollie to him: 3

Number of Family Guy episodes Jeff and I watched after the kids were finally sleeping: 2

Number of beers I drank while watching Family Guy: 1.5

Number of M&M's I ate while drinking beer and watching Family Guy: approximately 47

Time I went to bed: 9:43

Number of times I got out of bed to settle down Elsa: 4

Number of times I got out of bed to stop the dog from snoring: 1

Number of times I elbowed Jeff to stop him from snoring: 2

Time Rollie woke up today: 5:20