Monday, November 16, 2009

Why Ask Why Ask Why Ask Why

It's finally begun.

We've officially entered the 'Why' stage.

I guess we've been in it for a week or two...maybe longer...who knows really--all my days are blurring together in one thick, fuzzy fog of answering Rollie's questions every five freaking seconds.

I must say, being asked 'why' about absolutely everything is kind of eye-opening.  I mean, Rollie is asking some pretty heavy questions, the kind of questions you would expect to ponder if you were taking some serious psychotropic substances and sprawled on someone's front lawn, gazing up at the stars and just letting your mind go, man.

We were all walking the dog the other evening, and it started to rain.  Jeff pulled the canopy over Rollie's seat in the stroller, and Rollie, who had been zoning in the front seat, almost asleep, suddenly perked up.

Rollie: Why are you doing that, Dadda?
Jeff: Because it's starting to rain.
Rollie:  Why is it starting to rain, Dadda?
Jeff: Because the clouds are full of water and it's too heavy to hold any more.
Rollie: Why is the water too heavy?
Jeff: Because water molecules are starting to coalesce and condense into liquid - this makes them more dense than the air, and then the liquid water drops to the ground as rain. (I know...kind of an esoteric answer for a two-year-old to wrap his little head around, but I suppose it's better than just saying, be quiet and go to sleep, which is how I felt like answering.)

I'm pretty sure this is how the atom was discovered.  Newton  was hanging out with his two-year-old son, and the son kept asking why, breaking down every answer into a smaller question, until eventually Newton looked at his son and said, there are no more answers.  We have finally arrived at the last possibly way to break down this subject into its tiniest part.  Hence, the atom! (Oh wait...Jeff just told me that the components that make up the atom as smaller than the atom itself.  Quarks...Electrons...all that stuff that I've completely blocked out since eleventh grade Chemistry class...which would probably explain the disparity between Jeff's responses and mine to Rollie's aforementioned rain question....)

I'm having a different experience with the 'why's' Rollie is sending my way.

I was ushering him into the bathroom to go pee, bribing him with the promise that I had to go as well, since for some reason the prospect of peeing as a family entices him to use the toilet.  Like a little duckling, he followed me into the bathroom and pulled out his plastic potty, then asked if we could cross the streams, since that is how he pees with Jeff (my apologies if this is entirely too much information....).

Me: Oh, I can't cross streams, Honey.  Only Dadda can cross streams with you.
Rollie: Why can't you cross streams, Momma?
Me: Well, because that's not the way Mommy goes pee-pee.
Rollie: Why is that not the way you go pee-pee, Momma?
Me (thinking, oh we go): Because Mommy doesn't have a penis.
Rollie: Why doesn't you have a penis, Momma?
Me: Because I'm a girl.
Rollie (eyeing me somewhat suspiciously): Can I see your Not Penis, Momma?
Me: Well, there's really nothing to see, Baby.
Rollie: But why can't you cross streams, Momma?
Me: I think I just told you.
Rollie: But why?
Me: Well...girls go pee-pee differently from boys.  It's just how we're made.

And before he could ask one more why question, forcing me to delve into the anatomically correct terminology for our corresponding parts (which, as you know, I have a hard time doing...just writing the word 'penis' makes me blush),  I swiftly changed the subject to his new Thomas the Train underwear.

But his curiosity in my Not Penis was only temporarily squelched.  As I escorted him into Starbucks the other day to use the restroom, he asked me out of the blue: Do you not have a penis, Momma?

Me: That's right, I don't.
Rollie: And you can't cross the streams?
Me: Nope.
Rollie: But you can still go pee-pee?
Me: Sure can.
Rollie: Why can you still go pee-pee Momma?
Me: Because I had a lot to drink today.
Rollie: Why did you have a lot to drink today?
Me: Because I'm extra thirsty from answering all your questions.
Rollie: Why are you extra thirsty?
Me: I just told you, Love.
Rollie: Why did you just told me?
Me: ....I don't know.

I understand that he doesn't in fact want to know why to every single question;  he's pretty fascinated that he can dictate the course of an entire conversation, get some attention and hear his own voice all at the same time.  So I guess I'll have to keep supplying him with answers, feeding his burgeoning and insatiable curiosity, until I either get such cotton-mouth I can no longer move my lips, or we discover a new subatomic particle and make millions of dollars....


  1. LOL Classic, classic stuff. I'm sure you're about ready for some of those mind-enhancing drugs right about now. Then you can give Rollie some real groovy answers!

  2. OMG I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.