Thursday, July 23, 2009

Things I Wouldn't Have If I Didn't Have Kids

1. Stretch Marks
2. A computer in my bedroom (because I no longer have an office....because my office is now Rollie's room)
3. An assortment of plastic cups and straws from every restaurant within a twenty-mile radius
4. Enough goldfish in my pantry to feed a third grade class for an entire school year
5. An armada of strollers--every make, model, color and purpose--in my garage
6. A right arm that is decidedly bulkier than my left 
7. Applesauce encrusted on my floor moulding
8. A hallway lined with enough night lights to rival a landing strip
9. 10 episodes of Jack's Big Music Show on my TiVo
10. Back issues of Parents magazine collecting dust on an end table
11. The desire for my parents to live closer
12. The propensity to burst into tears when I hear a story about a child being separated from his parents (any story...the news...a Disney movie...a long-distance commercial....)
13. A new fear of germs, and a stockpile of those little bottles of hand sanitizer
14. A caffeine addiction
15. Saggy boobs (okay, maybe they wouldn't be as saggy)
16. An understanding as to why my mother is certifiably insane
17. An understanding as to why my father always yelled at me that my shorts were way too short
18. A love of Target
19. A love of wading pools
20. The ability to function on five non-consecutive hours of crappy, restless sleep

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